daily bible study

mimabird:

‘Abram and his wife Sarai were wandering through a desert when they came unto Egypt. “Sarai,” Abram said, “You’re a seriously hot bitch. I bet these crazy Egyptians will kill me and sodomize you into ground beef if they know we’re married, so I’m going to tell everyone you’re my sister.”
Soon word of Sarai’s seriously hot bitchiness reached the pharaoh, who called Abram and Sarai into his HQ. “Abram,” said the pharaoh, “Your sister is one seriously hot bitch. I’d like to buy her from you!”
“Okay,” said Abram, “Whatcha got?” Then the pharaoh gave Abram a shitload of sweet animal friends and Abram gave him Sarai.
Soon afterwards, God fucked pharaoh and his house right in the face with a bunch of plagues, and pharaoh called Abram back in. “Abram,” the pharaoh said, “I am getting the absolute shit plagued out of me because you told me this woman, who is your wife, was your sister and I just took her for my wife, if you catch my drift. I’m not super keen on getting plagued, so take your bitch asses out of here. You can keep the sweet animal friends, just get the fuck out.”
Then Abram and Sarai left with their animal friends and, it turns out, a lot of silver and gold, while pharaoh presumably had the bodies of his family burned to slow the spread of the contagion.

I guess the punchline is that people believe in the moral supremacy of this venal, self-interested, wife-selling, abhorrent excuse for a human being. The good news is, if I start whoring you out to wealthy men who all come down with catastrophic syphilis afterwards, I’ll be a better Christian than I am right now, I guess. Something to look forward to?

I guess technically people couldn’t be sodomized back then because Sodom hadn’t gone down yet. Speaking of which, here’s another joke for you:
The Lord shows up in Sodom with a blowtorch, and one of the intrepid residents entreats Him thus: “Lord, if You didn’t want us to buttsex, why did You give us butts?” To which The Lord replied, “I like it when you poop.” And then He burned the whole fucking place and everyone in it.’


-Robbie Eberhart-Garah

My Facebook Portfolio

Because I keep getting commissions, I decided that I should finally set up a good networking page for my artwork.  Tumblr is good for meeting people I don’t know and who don’t want to talk to me (except a select few), but not great for actually propagating my art so much.  So if any of y’all are on facebook, feel free to check out my new page!

perfunctesoterika:

oh wait i thought of another ethnic joke.

An African-American man is driving down the street when a police car hits the lights behind him, so he pulls over. The police car stops behind him and the officer walks up to his window and says, “Do you know why I stopped you?”
“Well”, the man says, “I’m young and black and I’m driving an expensive car in a poor neighborhood and I have a hat, so you probably assume I’m transporting drugs.”
“Good guess,” the officer says. “Are you?”
“Let me answer your question with another question,” the man says. “I’m from a poor neighborhood that has traditionally been employed in industry, but as manufacturing jobs have moved out of the country the poverty level, already high in the wake of codified segregation and discrimination, has worsened dramatically. Severe underfunding in local schools has been compounded by a synthetic consumer culture custom-made to compel black people to pursue a life of unattainable hedonism which can only possibly be approached with criminal careers. This and other factors create an event horizon of bias, misunderstanding, and distrust which make it impossible to escape and find legal work or opportunities elsewhere. So what do you think I’m transporting?”
The officer, having heard enough to feel confident he has probable cause, performs an exhaustive search of the vehicle. Finally, convinced that nothing illicit is inside, he says, “I thought you said your were trafficking drugs!”
“I can’t afford drugs,” the man replies. “Why do you think I’m stealing cars?”

great now i know three jokes i hope that wasn’t offensive just to clarify i don’t like white people very much that’s okay cause i am one and frankly who does.